, Bridge Magazine , Health Articles
A change in perspective can change your life
Mother of five Puspa Sherlock looks at life with incontinence through a different lens, finding that a change in perspective can change your life for the better.
Incontinence has always been a part of Puspa Sherlock’s life. When she was eight years old, Puspa started to wet the bed. Upon seeing a specialist, it was discovered she had a kidney infection. Although it was no fault of her own, she clearly remembers being teased at school and punished for wetting her pants.
Thirteen years later, when she had her first child, those early memories of incontinence would shape her thoughts “I was worried that my husband wouldn’t look at me in the same way because I just had a baby and I was incontinent. But he was fine. It was just my subconscious shame because of my early memories of being ostracised at school,” Puspa said.
“In those days too, we didn’t have accessibility to disposable underwear like we have now. I became very self-conscious that I was going to start smelling. No one ever sat me down and said that it was ok.”
As Puspa’s incontinence was linked to her pregnancy, she wasn’t reluctant to seek help. She recalls the child health nurse that came to visit her after giving birth.
“She was not only proactive with her concerns of the wellbeing of my child but my own health,” Puspa recalls.
“She was concerned if I was seeing someone about my incontinence and if I needed physiotherapy to work on my pelvic floor exercises. She was so comfortable having that conversation with me. She asked how she could help, what could be done and she normalised it. There was no judgement. There was just acceptance.”
Four years ago, when she was 48, Puspa had a stroke, following a brain infection – stemming from isolated chronic sphenoidsinusitis and meningitis. She was paralysed on her left side for 22 days and had nurses and allied health professionals (such as physiotherapists and occupational therapists) tend to her for the activities she could no longer perform. When she was able to return home, her daughters cared for her.
“My daughters would say to me, mum you changed our nappies when we were babies, so now it’s our turn to change yours,’” Puspa said. “I’m so grateful that my kids didn’t view that as a burden and neither did my physiotherapist and allied health team. The level of acceptance was amazing. I was so lucky.”
While initially Puspa felt embarrassed that her children had to care for her, turn her over and put continence pads on her, she now looks at the situation from a different point of view. She feels grateful that we live in a society where we have access to adult continence products. “I think to myself, imagine if my kids had to put a cloth nappy or a towel on me and had to turn me around. But thankfully we have ease of access to these products that can really help us get through the day and allow for situations to be manageable,” Puspa said.
After her stroke, Puspa also suffered very badly from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and part of her journey also caused her to regress to talk like a child.
She recalls her children, including her son who was just seven at the time, sitting down with her and talking to her as normal, saying that they didn’t want to ostracise or stigmatise her. She says the fact that her children normalised the situation made the recovery a lot easier and was imbued with a very strong sense of acceptance.
“We have a saying in my house where we say, let’s turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones,” Puspa says.
Was it encephalitis? What sort of brain infection?
“Yes you’ve got a stumbling block in being incontinent but that stepping stone is that you’ve got an amazing group of people who are accepting, you’ve got access to great convenient continence products, and above all, there has been greater education, greater awareness and acceptance that it’s part of life, there’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Puspa Sherlock
Today, Puspa needs to wear a continence pad, especially when she teaches self-defense. With four First Dan black belts in four different styles of karate, she teaches the classes as empowerment programs for those who have been bullied, survivors of domestic violence and so on.
She says there will be times when she must demonstrate a ‘throw-down’ and she finds herself thinking about how she will most likely wet her pants. But she will be open about it.
“In the class I’ll say if you see a little bit of a bulge it’s because I’ve got an adult continence pad on. And the class will look at me and will go “oh” and some of them will say “oh guess what, I wear a continence pad too.” And suddenly it’s so easy and they’re prepared to train because they are comfortable and they know they will be okay if there may be a slight leakage accident. But it was that conversation that had to be started. It was that normalising,” Puspa said.
Strengthen your mental health, find your tribe
“Believe me, when you do say you've got an incontinence issue, you have no idea how it resonates with so many people, who then say that they do too and that starts a journey of very healthy and productive conversations and relationships.”
While it might seem difficult to start the conversation or to mention that you are incontinent, Puspa says that there really is nothing to be ashamed of, it is often our own perception. She encourages anyone and everyone who has been in circumstances that have led them to be incontinent, that it is ok. There is a whole tribe of people out there, like Puspa, who are also incontinent and understand your journey. “We resonate and you are not alone.”
“One of my greatest achievements is empowering others to say it’s ok. If you’re being unfairly treated due to your incontinence, I would say go and speak to someone who has had that journey. We now have people with lived experience, we now have people who provide peer support, go look for your tribe because your tribe is out there. You’re not alone.” Puspa Sherlock
In all the years that I’ve been teaching self-defense, I can’t say that anyone has ever told me that they’ve been put off by my comment or they're not comfortable. It’s just comfortable and no one is walking on eggshells.
“People come up to me and say that I am so open with my journey especially with my incontinence and I’m in a society where I can access products that are convenient for me."
“I think if I was in a developing country where it can be hard to access the luxuries including continence pads, if I put myself in those shoes, I think it would be difficult, but now, here, it feels normal, it’s part of life. It’s like sneezing. And yes I wet my pants when I sneeze and yes I’m going to wet my pants when I laugh, but guess what, it’s my body and if you can’t accept it, it’s fine, I have my tribe.”
[Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
PTSD is a set of reactions that can develop in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event that threatens their life or safety (or of others around them). For more information please visit BetterHealth.